CRAP SHOOT

Hi, hello, yes, um...can I be a playwright, please?

TAKE A NUMBER.

But...oh, but I..I just wrote a couple of plays. They were actually really good. One got into finals. So, now that that's happened...I figured I could just, ya know, BE a playwr-

TAKE. A NUMBER.

Right, a number. *takes one. pauses* So, does the number signify something?

...WHAT.

Like, does it signify that I'm on my way to being a playwright? Like the number of plays I have to write or...*glancing at number: 1,223,689,928* Oh, jesus. That's...ha, that's a lotta plays! Who knew...

THAT'S HOW MANY THERE ARE OF YOU.

...how many are there are of...redheads?

PLAYWRIGHTS.

Playwrights. Right. Duh. *glances around*..So ALL these people are playwrights?

*extravagant sigh* EVERY DUMBASS WITH A WEBSERIES, EVERY KID WITH A COUPLE LINES IN A BOOK, AND EVERY NYU FILMMAKER CONSIDERS THEMSELVES A PLAYWRIGHT. NOT TO MENTION THE ONES WHO HAVE IN FACT WRITTEN PLAYS.

Pfft..yeah but I mean..have they had their plays produced? Heh..

YOU'RE AN ACTRESS EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT IN ANY MOVIES, RIGHT?

..Oh. Yes. Of course. *long exhale* okay..so do I just..wait here for a literary agent or -?

KEEP WRITING.

Well, ah that's the thing I *digging through backpack*, I already have -

KEEP. WRITING.

But I already have...

*GLARES*

*deep breaths...getting emotional* but what if...what if it's not good?

EXCUSE ME?

What if the next thing I write sucks?! WHAT IF I SUCK?

CALM DOWN, ONLY I GET TO TALK IN CAPS.

sorry.

SOMETIMES YOU WRITE SHIT. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY ANY GOLD WILL COME TO YOU - BY DIGGING THROUGH THE MUD. IF YOU DON'T DIG, AND IF YOU DON'T SHIT OUT SOME SHIT, YOU'LL NEVER GET GOLD.

That is an...eloquent way of putting it.

THANKS. WANNA SEE MY PLAYS? *gestures behind to piles of papers*

Oh! Wow! Well! GOOD for you. But...you're right. You're right. I have to get writing. And apparently..writing shit.

EXACTLY. YOU KNOW THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT DON'TCHA?

...Keep...Writing?

EVERYDAY.

Oh. Oh yeah I can do that...even though I have a full time job, and I work extra jobs on the side, and then there's my acting career, and my need for a social life. Oh, and sleep and -

JUST DO IT.

But I can't -

I WILL CALL SHIA LABEOUF.

No! No. That's okay. Thank you. Okay. I'll do it...yeah! I'LL DO IT!

HEY -

sorry. But, yeah - I can do that. I'll write everyday...I'll write....30 second plays! Everyday! That's easy, right? I'm in front of a computer all the time. I could totally do that. Right??

CONGRATS ON YOUR SUBTLE EPIPHANY. NOW GET TO WORK. *slams down screen*

Wow. Yeah. Everyday. A Play a day. A daily play. Hey that has a nice ring to it. Daily Play by Emil-ay.

*skipping away* Daily Play by Emil-ay, and blow the world away!

*behind screen* SHUT UP.

END OF SCENE. BEGINNING OF NEW BLOG. EVERYDAY. EVERY. DAMN. DAY. Watch me grow :)